They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
