The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
