OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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