a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
