I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize