actually, I'm a sock model
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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