fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
