I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
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Rumble strips road head = magical
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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