a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
