i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We just shotgunned beers for America
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
