College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Less talking, more tequila
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
