I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
