did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
