There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
