i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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