Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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