You're like the curious george of whores
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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