He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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