he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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