dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
