there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
