She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize