Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
