Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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