You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
