Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
