Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
