he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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