My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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