I puked a lego.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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