we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
this hospital has no fireball
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize