come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
