So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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