I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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