Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
