I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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