But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
