Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
id be glad to
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.