One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You've changed since you got that strap on