My friends, they love my intelligence
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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