I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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