Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
