i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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