You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
