I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
