I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
