someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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