I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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