my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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