Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
