That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
