he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
