I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
