You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
