My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
