me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
