I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
