We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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