Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
