the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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