remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.