He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.