Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?