Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window

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  (518): You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window http://tfl.nu/qxzy
  Replies (14) Good night (3282) Bad night (530)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...

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  (804): he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ... http://tfl.nu/7lew
  Replies (30) Good night (3948) Bad night (808)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  You would...

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  (204): So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone. (1-204): You would... http://tfl.nu/ljy4
  Replies (14) Good night (1078) Bad night (3452)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..

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  (606): Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley.. http://tfl.nu/q4d8
  Replies (13) Good night (3386) Bad night (978)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.

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  (+44): I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you. http://tfl.nu/998a
  Replies (5) Good night (2585) Bad night (1196)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.

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  (201): Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it. http://tfl.nu/ciee
  Replies (10) Good night (2042) Bad night (629)
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  (310): View more from California

  Just called the consul general of France "dude"

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  (310): Just called the consul general of France "dude" http://tfl.nu/uwot
  Replies (7) Good night (2299) Bad night (749)
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  (619): View more from California

  Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.

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  (619): Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear. http://tfl.nu/20ls
  Replies (8) Good night (906) Bad night (380)
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  (760): View more from California

  Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?

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  (760): Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting? http://tfl.nu/x0ek
  Replies (8) Good night (1167) Bad night (396)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.

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  (904): Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/2f4k
  Replies (3) Good night (759) Bad night (281)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere

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  (910): She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere http://tfl.nu/frtj
  Replies (8) Good night (1529) Bad night (421)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.

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  (843): These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds. http://tfl.nu/t12w
  Replies (3) Good night (609) Bad night (223)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.

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  (814): I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount. http://tfl.nu/e0cf
  Replies (5) Good night (961) Bad night (209)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...

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  (315): Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive... http://tfl.nu/b7nd
  Replies (9) Good night (649) Bad night (296)
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  (212): View more from New York

  80% sure the drag queens carried her home

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  (212): 80% sure the drag queens carried her home http://tfl.nu/gmg4
  Replies (0) Good night (492) Bad night (177)

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