I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
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No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole