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• (416): View more from Ontario

  Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.

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• (516): View more from New York

  U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Let's make jello shots for tomorrow

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What's going on tomorrow?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nothing, it's Wednesday

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (854): View more from

  i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Post that event on your timeline

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• (44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?

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