im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?