Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
