I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
