It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
