hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
