But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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