Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
